Being a mom is the hardest job I have ever ever been given in my life. I must say that I'm very honored that God saw fit to bless me with three wonderful beautiful daughters.
That He thought I was more than able to be their mom and the best one for them. I thank Him everyday for this blessing in my life.
But as I said in the start of this blog being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had. When they were small, I could always figure out what the needed. I always seemed to know when they needed a hug and kiss. When to hold and cuddle them and take their pain away. I knew how to make sure all of their basic needs where meet. Loving them was so easy! They were like little dolls, that I had been given to love hold and cherish.
But as the years went on and they grew into beautiful young women. No longer those beautiful little porcelain dolls but young women that where growing into what God had created them to be. More beautiful then words can express... That's when this job became hard.
As the years past and I had to give them to the world to become who God created them to be. I thought my very heart would break into a million pieces. But I knew that God would always be with them and hold them and guide them.
The heart ache came in so many ways. From watching them get their hearts broken from the boy who didn't receive their gift of friendship or the first love. From the first kiss to the broken heart of the failed marriage.
Then they become wife's and moms. I was so proud! I knew that they where going to understand the love and blessing that I was given in them. That their hearts would be so full that they would not be able to understand how one could hold it all. But as the years would pass they would understand that love because that is the love God gives us all everyday.
It is what we as moms so easily do for our precious children daily, just as the Lord does for us.
The heart ache we must cause Him! Oh the heart ache I feel when my daughters hurt and I cannot do anything but stand in pray and beg my Father in heaven to hold them tight and take the pain and guide them into the place of love grace and peace.
My heart aches in strange painful ways that I cannot even express. I often wonder is that what our Father in heaven fills when we are hurting and lost and feeling alone; when we don't reach out for Him. How He must hurt as I do when we can do nothing but sit back and wait for them. Just as He does us. The heart ache! The waiting! Oh how it hurts so! We just say please just reach out. I can so hear our Father in heaven saying those very words: "I'm here just reach out my child I'm here for you."
Sometimes the heart ache comes in such strange ways through listening to their voices without them ever saying really anything. The tone the quietness the stillness in the phone call. My heart starts to ache and I just know I must go to that pray closet and pray.
I know I cannot be there for them. As when they where small and I could wash that tear drop from their eye and kiss that boo boo away. I so many times wish they where those small little dolls that I could make everything in their world okay once again. But.... now I must wait and wait and wait! I must lean upon my God in heaven my Father to help me to pray and to hold unto Him.